TV Show Remakes Usually Fail, So Can We Try These Crossover Double Remakes?

I came across this article making it clear that remakes of past TV shows are almost always unsuccessful. But that doesn’t seem to be stopping them from trying. Here is the networks’ thought process:

Mindless TV Exec #1:  Vampires seem to be very popular nowadays. Do we own the rights to any shows with vampires?
Mindless TV Exec #2:  Hey, what about The Munsters?
Mindless TV Exec #1:  Let’s do it!

With that in mind, we all know the popularity of Glee means the inevitable reboot of Cop Rock.
Instead of trying remakes, they could at least be slightly more creative and try crossover double remakes by combining two (or more) old shows.  Here are some amusing and/or horrifying ideas for crossover remakes:
Star Trek + All in the Family:  The first captain of the Enterprise was not Archer, but Archie.  Captain Bunker joins the crew with Edith, Gloria, and Meathead.  It is a continuing mission across the galaxy to explore new worlds and encounter new species to be bigoted against.
Diff’rent Strokes + Seinfeld:  Following his release from jail, Jerry hits it big with his new show. With new-found wealth he adopts two underprivileged boys from the projects. What you talkin’ about, Newman! Call it The Diff’rent Strokes of Seinfeld.
Law & Order + Lassie:  In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups:  the police dog who investigates crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.  Call it Law & Order: K-9 Unit.
I Love Lucy + Knight Rider:  A famous Cuban American bandleader marries a highly advanced talking car who constantly schemes to sneak into the show.
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air + The Beverly Hillbillies:  Jed and family move to Bel-Air, right next to the Banks clan. A recurring bit will be Granny tossing Jazz out of the front door. Call it The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Hillbillies.
The X-Files + ALF:  The truth is … right here, and he’s your new partner, Agent Mulder.  ALF joins the FBI and is assigned to work the X-Files.
24 + Perfect Strangers:Just imagine 24 episodes of Balky being tortured by Jack Bauer.  

Bauer:  “A shepard from Mypos obviously knows how to make anthrax. Dammit, where’s the bomb?”

Balky:  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Bauer: “Don’t toy with me, Bartokomous!  Chloe, get me Cousin Larry on the phone right now!”

Buffy the Vampire Slayer + The Andy Griffith Show:  Sheriff Taylor and Buffy investigate paranormal happenings in Mayberry.  Yes, Barney Fife is a secret vampire.
Hogan’s Heroes + The Facts of Life:  Mrs. Garrett and the girls somehow become inmates in a German World War II prisoner of war camp.  Tootie knows nothink!
Webster + Buck Rogers in the 25th Century:  An irritatingly adorable little boy from the 20th century is revived out of 500 years of suspended animation to become the greatest hero of a future Earth.
Roseanne + Baywatch:  Yes, I just put that image in your head.  Bwuhahahahahaha!
Land of the Lost + Full House:  A nation of viewers will unite in support of the Sleestaks’ efforts to destroy a lost family.
Monk + Quantum Leap:  Trapped in the past, former police detective Adrian Monk finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went ever so slightly askew, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.
The Incredible Hulk + Ally McBeal:  A single female lawyer is bombarded by gamma rays.  You won’t like her when she’s angry.
The Golden Girls + The A-Team:  Four fugitive senior ladies travel the country as soldiers for hire. Call it The GrAy Team.
The West Wing + My Name is Earl:  Come on, it’s not like we’ve never had an idiot president before. The nation will rely heavily on the counsel of Vice President Crabman.  However, Joy really wants to be First Lady and every episode tries to kill President Earl Hickey.  Secret Service agent Randy protects him and holds the nuclear football.
Dennis the Menace + The Sopranos:  Tony and Carmella move into Mr. Wilson’s house. With the death of Christopher, Tony needs a new protegé.  Dennis learns to aim his slingshot at the kneecaps.
ER + The Lone Ranger:  Who is that masked doctor?  Someone please get Chief Resident Tonto some scrubs. Why is there a horse in here?
Gilligan’s Island + LOST:  The 3-hour tour shipwrecks on an entirely different island.  What will happen when they encounter The Others?  When Gilligan fails to push the button in the hatch, will the Skipper hit him with his hat? Does the Smoke Monster prefer Ginger or Mary Ann?
The Odd Couple + The Dukes of Hazzard:  Felix and Oscar are evicted and end up living with Felix’s Uncle Jesse in Hazzard County.  Call it The Odd Couple of Hazzard.
Everybody Loves Raymond + Batman:  Sportswriter Bruce Wayne (Adam West, of course) tries to raise a family while living across the street from his parents and occasionally fighting crime with his sidekick brother Robin/Robert.  Holy crap!  Call it Everybody Loves Batman.
The Fugitive + Mr. Belvedere:  A fat British butler is on the run for a crime he didn’t commit:  the murder of Bob Uecker.
Friends + Green Acres:  The friends are sent to the funny farm.  Ross becomes jealous when Rachel dates Arnold the pig.
Frasier + I Dream of Jeannie:  A magic psychiatrist hosts a radio talkshow from inside of a bottle found by an astronaut.  Call it I Dream of Frasier.
NYPD Blue + Mork & Mindy: The tales of NYPD partners Detective Sipowicz and Mork from Ork.  In the pilot, Mork beats a suspect with a phone book while shouting Nanu-Nanu!  A stunned Sipowicz mutters, “Shazbot.” Call it Mork & Sipowicz.
The Cosby Show + Heroes:  The entire Huxtable family develops superhuman abilities.
Kojak + Welcome Back, Kotter: A tough cop takes over teaching the Sweathogs at Buchanan High. “Who loves you, Horshack?” Call it Welcome Back, Kojak.
Wow, that is a lot!   Which one would you like to see?   Any other suggestions?

  1. First of all, the article you cite as your source for “TV remakes usually fail” is so fault-ridden and fact-stacked that it almost completely invalidates its own premise. The fact that the author discounts one of the most successful remakes in TV history, “The Outer Limits”, because “it was Canadian and syndicated and therefore irrelevant” is complete & utter bullshit. The series ran on Showtime in the States and was Canadian the same way “Smallville” was Canadian – they were both made there because it was cheaper than LA. There are a lot of other factual errors with the articles but I don’t have the time or desire to list all of them. Also, “Smallville” & “Lois & Clark” don’t count as remakes – they are both different approaches to the same basic material. Of they are counted then you have to count every one of the STAR TREK series and once you do that, the numbers start to weigh heavily on the ‘remakes ARE successful’ side of the argument.
    Don’t get me wrong – I think most remakes are awful, usually because they try to rely too much on the title and some kind of folk memory to get viewers and not enough on making a good show.

  2. “Everybody Loves Raymond + Batman”

    A comedy show like the above might work.Main character with a day job as contract engineer. (so he a smart but bored guy). He is nagged and put upon my his family and friends (who are opposed to vigilantism of course). He escapes to his basement “man-cave” where he tinkers with gadgets, practices Krav Maga, and discovers he urban townhouse is connected to an old an forgotten gangster/smuggler/forgotten underground tunnel system in the city….

  3. Very enjoyable!

    None of my bidness, but because of short attention spans, I think you’d get more people posting this (to Facebook for instance) if you broke it into 2 parts and use the word “MashUps” which is what “the kids” is usin’ these days.

    TV Show Remakes Always Fail; Try These MashUps! (Part 1)
    TV Show Remakes Always Fail; Try These MashUps! (Part Deux)

    Then you can make (Part Tres), etc.

    Just my two cents as your newest fan. Can you tell I work in Branding? Hope this seems constructive and not rude and yes, I pine for longer attention spans too. But the world, she changes.


    • Thanks for your suggestions, Gene. They were delivered with tact. I’ll try to keep the posts shorter when I can.

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