Mar 262012
 

 

With the contentious health care reform case the Supreme Court will further cement its place alongside the other political branches of our government. It has become more comfortable throwing traditional legal analysis out the window. I like to call it reasoning backwards: The judge has a preferred end result to the case. He then finds the legal justification to support it in writing his opinion.
 
In more layman’s terms, it would be similar to a researcher abandoning the scientific method, instead choosing to only record and report data that supports her favorite hypothesis. (Maybe that’s not layman enough. If you’ve got a better analogy, I’d love to hear it in the Comments section below.)
 
Nowadays, if the judge thinks he may be reaching too far or too obviously contradicting his own prior opinions, he can pull a Bush v. Gore and state that this present act of legal contortionism applies only in this case and does not serve as precedent for other cases. See, Bush v. Gore does have precedential value as it gives courts the ability to create one-time exceptions to the rule of precedent.
 
This week the Supreme Court holds oral arguments in the case concerning the Affordable Care Act (a.k.a. Obamacare, Obomneycare, etc.). Here is my prediction for how the case will turn out.
 
In the end, the law will be upheld, but not for the reasons frequently stated. Don’t get me wrong, those will likely be the ones you will see in the text of the opinion.
 
At least one of the conservative five will show how much more they love money (or love their friends who love their money) more than they hate Obama. It reminds me of the recent case concerning a ban on violent video games. The Court overruled the ban 7-2, some using the language of free speech to justify a ruling in favor of a pro-business result: the video game industry can continue to police itself with its own ratings system.
 
The ACA — passed with an individual mandate, but no public option — favors the health care industry more than most alternative plans. Consider: If the ACA’s mandate is overturned, that gives the Obama administration the incentive and excuse to come back with something even better (or worse, depending on your position). For instance, they could say, “Fine, this time we won’t force you to buy anything. If you don’t have insurance, you can buy into Medicare.” The defenders of the status quo hate the Medicare-for-all approach.
 
Upholding the ACA is a pro-business result that will be justified by adopting a precedent-supported broad reading of the Commerce Clause.  Expect a 7-2 or 6-3 split.

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Mar 232012
 

 
It is time to highlight another species of rude Metro rider. We’ve met the Pole Hugger and the Window Seat Blocker.  Here’s the Wheely Bagger.
  

The Wheely Bagger

Behold: The Wheely Bagger.
I've often seen bags much smaller than this being pulled by the Wheely Baggers.

 
 
 
Now you can find these people on almost every Metro car with the luggage-style bags with attached wheels and extensible handles. It’s OK if you are going to the airport. I’ll cut you some slack there. I think the primary offenders are the commuters who lug these things around every day.
  
First, do they really need all that stuff? Maybe it is a symptom of the recession, where these people are sharing a space and need to take their entire office home with them every night.
  
Second, my major beef is a lot of the Wheely baggers don’t know how to steer these things. I’m almost ready to demand they get a license to drive these things. Listen idiots, you can’t make sharp turns while dragging these things behind you. You will trip someone or at best run over someone’s toes. Imagine the wreck when they cut off someone staring at their smartphone.
  
I understand if you have to carry a lot of stuff and it’s too heavy to carry the suitcase by hand. But a lot of times I see healthy grown men with wheeling these tiny bags behind them. You are not too weak to carry whatever it is you have in there. I doubt you are a brick salesman, so really your laziness could end up causing someone their life if they trip over you and fall onto the tracks. You need to pick up your bag or surrender your man card.
  
Full disclosure: I now use a bag that happens to have wheels and an extensible handle. My previous backpack was getting old and tattered. I didn’t want to buy a new one and since we already had a wheeled one were weren’t using, I began to take it every day. I’ve never used it as a wheely bag because I’ve never had it so full that I could not carry it on my back. That’s the point: don’t be lazy just because you can; you might end up endangering the safety of others, and becoming the subject of an angry blog post.

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Mar 112012
 

Time to fill out your brackets again and be reminded of the fun and futility of March Madness.

The 2013 List is here.

I do this every year.   It’s amusing to feel like a genius for a couple of days (“Hey, look, one of my 17 brackets only has 3 missed picks through Sunday!”) only to come crashing back to reality later.   All of my brackets are usually shredder-ready by the second Friday.

The odds of picking a perfect bracket are way worse than winning the lottery — not even in the same ballpark, probably not even the same galaxy.

Mega Millions lottery jackpot

Perfect bracket (choosing higher seeds)

Perfect bracket (randomly selected)

1 in

175,711,536

35,360,000,000

9,223,372,036,854,775,808

That’s why everybody and their grandmother can offer million dollar prizes for their online bracket contest.   It would be hilarious if some common bracket combination came true and they would have to pay up.  On the last weekend, we would know a lot of people would be so close to the big prize.  Shares of the company offering the prize would take a dive.  What if all higher seeds did win?  On several sites that would be the default pick set.  Hundreds of people could win on computer or user error.

At least, in office pools you are only competing with mere mortals instead of perfection.  They can be more exciting since you are still in the hunt longer.  Of course, in office pools you probably know who the winner is, which could lead to more of a humiliated feeling when you are smoked by the guy who based his picks on which team had the cooler mascot or the woman who only picked teams from blue states.

Have no fear.  You, too, can have a winning wacky bracket.  Here are some suggestions on how to decide between two teams.

  • The old coin flip.
  • Which team is first/last alphabetically
  • The team with the fattest player
  • Mascot fight!
  • Oldest university
  • Ask a toddler to pick
  • Assign them sections on a dartboard
  • Lowest SAT scores
  • Uniform color/design
  • Distance from sea level
  • Distance from your house
  • Distance from Sarah Palin’s house (where you can see Russia)

If you have any more suggestions, share them in the comments section.

Finally, for your convenience, here’s a list of free bracket contests.  Add your own in the comments section, and I’ll try to update the list if I find some new ones.

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1

http://games.espn.go.com/tournament-challenge-bracket/en/

http://msn.foxsports.com/fantasy/collegebasketball/tourney/

http://www.cbssports.com/collegebasketball/ncaa-tournament/brackets

https://cocacola.promo.eprize.com/koz2012bracketbuilder/

http://madness.nbcsports.com/

https://apps.facebook.com/bracketinsanity/

http://collegehoops.dellsports.com/marchbrackets/

http://www.sportsco.com/ncaa/ncaa2.htm

 

http://washingtonpost.com/bracket-challenge

Have fun!

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Mar 092012
 

The chickenhawks are at it again. Now they are trying to push us into a war with Iran. So we should go to war with Iran because they might decide to develop nuclear weapons and they might decide to use them against Israel or the United States someday?

Let me tell you what would happen if they did. If Iran attacks Israel, they will be nuked by Israel or the U.S. I’m pretty sure modern drilling technology can go through a layer of glass to remove Iran’s oil afterwards.

That should be the basis for the rule. OK, Iran, you can have nuclear weapons, but if one goes off in Israel or the U.S., we’re just going to assume you did it and wipe you off the face of the Earth. That should be enough of a deterrent. It’s a spinoff of the Mutually Assured Destruction strategy. Let’s call it YAIG, for “your ass is glass.”

Some will try to argue that the Iranian regime is crazy enough to do it. Well, that would take a lot of crazy. But if you were that crazy, you would not be able to get in the position to rule an entire country. A lot of ambitious rational people would easily find a way to take you out before you got into that position of power. I’m not buying the myth of the suicidal lunatic regime.

Consider the possibility that they are not crazy, but are sounding crazy to get some domestic support. It is like when a Republican candidate implies that he doubts President Obama was born in America. We know he doesn’t really doubt the validity of President Obama’s birth certificate, he just thinks he’s playing to the base.

Could it be that this is really not about nukes at all? There are still several different powerful groups that want to trick us into another war for their own varied interests.

The mass media loves war. Ratings go up when they can show pretty pictures of things blowing up. Weapons manufacturers love it when inventory is used, so they can sell more.

The neocons’ worldview of American dominance requires that we shove our military weight around often. The neocons want to attack Iran for the sake of a regime change that will expand the reach and influence of their American Empire. They really like all that oil, too.

Radical Christian fundamentalists are always eager to crush Israel’s enemies. Why? They believe in a prophecy that requires the Jewish temple to be rebuilt in Jerusalem before Jesus can return. They believe the end times script requires a Jewish dominated independent state of Israel. The Radical Christian fundamentalists want a preemptive strike to protect Israel, if not to spark a so-called Armageddon itself. To them I’d respond, “Hey, Dumbass, if Israel is such an important part of God’s plan, then maybe God will protect Israel from annihilation — or do you need the prophecy story to play out exactly the way you say it will just so you are not proven wrong?”

Besides, do you really think Jesus would like to return to such a ravaged place? He might just say, “Earth kinda sucks. You guys are always making wars and Jersey Shores, I’d much rather stay in heaven, thank you very much.”

Now, I did read the “Left Behind” series. It is a pretty good post-apocalyptic dystopian adventure. As a skilled reader, I was able to enjoy it by skipping past the pages and pages of praying and glossing over the propaganda. It’s understandable if a lot of people don’t have the patience to bear it.

The drumbeat of war against Iran will continue from the same people who brought us the Iraq war. These people just want an excuse to go to war and kill anyone who doesn’t like or obey us, starting with those countries with a lot of oil to control. It is a shame that they haven’t been discredited and that Americans have such short memories.

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Mar 062012
 

 

The phrase “thrown under the bus” needs to be, well, thrown under a bus.  It is so overused.  For example, this morning I did a Google search of News in the past 24 hours for “under the bus.”  It found “About 1,170 results.”  Only a handful involved actual bus accidents.

Some of those facing clichéd bus-related injury today:  Conservative MLA Hector Goudreau, Courtney from The Bachelor, NFL coach Gregg Williams,  Arsenio Hall (somehow a self-inflicted bus tossing), Wes Welker, the Saugatuck Township board, Dwight Howard’s Orlando Magic teammates, Israel, Danica Patrick’s crew, Bob Kerrey, LGBT issues, taxpayers, India Incorporate, and something called “The Miz.”

It’s time to retire this expression.  Maybe we can get the bus drivers’ union involved.  I’m sure they cringe every time they hear it.

Jerome Bettis would be a great spokesman for the anti-”under the bus” campaign.  I bet he’s tired of pranksters knocking people down in front of him.

What will it take to make it happen?  Unfortunately, the expression has been resilient.  It has survived previous attacks.  I’m thinking it will take the form of an extremely clueless and insensitive use.  I can see the headline now:  “Congressman West Throws Rosa Parks Under the Bus.”  Yeah, that would do it.

 

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