Another 911 call related to the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary has been released. The transcript is pasted below.
911: Newtown 911, what’s the location and emergency?
CALLER: Someone has exercised their 2nd Amendment rights at Sandy Hook Elementary!
911: OK, what makes you think that?
CALLER: I’m watching it on TV. It’s all over the news, you dingbat!
911: Wait. Who are you and where are you calling from?
CALLER: This is NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre, and it’s none of your business where I am, and that doesn’t matter now. This is an emergency. I’ve heard the shooter is dead, so you need to send someone down there to protect those orphaned guns!
CALLER: Every time there is a shooting like this the gun-grabbers come out of the woodwork. You need to send some officers to protect those guns! Won’t someone please think of the guns!
911: Sir, I can assure you that the officers processing the crime scene will secure any weapons and properly store them as evidence.
CALLER: NO! You can’t lock up those guns! They didn’t do anything wrong! They’re just tools. They were just following orders. Won’t someone please think of the guns!
911: I’m sorry, sir, that’s the proper procedure.
CALLER: You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.
911: Do you have a real emergency, sir?
CALLER: Oh, yes. They’re coming for me, too. My phone won’t stop ringing and I think one of their vans is already outside. It’s begun. They’re coming to take everybody’s guns. Even worse, they’re coming to take my guns. Send help! Protect my 2nd Amendment rights!
911: Sir, that’s probably the press seeking a statement from you as leader of the NRA.
CALLER: I don’t trust you … you’re with the gubmint [sic]. Just in case, I’m staying in my tragically understocked panic room for a week. Drinking my own urine is a small price to pay to defend my god-given 2nd Amendment rights!
911: That’s an unreasonable reaction, sir.
CALLER: I’ll tell you what’s unreasonable: refusing to support universal background checks or mental health screening for gun purchases — but the NRA’s going to do it anyway! In the name of all that’s holy (mainly gun manufacturers’ profits), we can’t afford to give an inch for the sake of your so-called rationality.
911: [sighs] Please hold while I transfer your call to your local emergency call center. They will be better able to assist you.
CALLER: Ha! I never told you where I am! Are you tracking me somehow? You must be working with the KGB. I know for a fact that the NSA wouldn’t be tracking innocent American citizens … unless that Kenyan muslin [sic] gun-grabber Obama ordered them too. Hmm. This bird’s gotta fly… “The Peter,” out!
[End of call]